From the Head of Preparatory School

Embracing the gift of struggle

I recently attended a leadership symposium in Melbourne, where an impressive lineup of keynote speakers discussed topics ranging from the future of generative artificial intelligence to strategies for enhancing personal wellbeing and fostering a positive learning culture in our schools. Among these presentations, the one that most resonated with me was Dr Adam Fraser’s talk on ‘Embracing the gift of struggle.’ Having also read his book Strive, I found his insights both intriguing and inspiring.

Dr Fraser’s research centres on cultivating a constructive relationship with challenge and struggle as a means to drive change, transformation and personal growth. He encourages us to reflect on a critical question: ‘Is happiness truly the key to a meaningful and fulfilling life?’. According to Dr Fraser, our society has become overly obsessed with happiness, with countless books, presenters, courses and apps dedicated to teaching us how to achieve it. Yet, despite this obsession, Fraser’s research suggests that we are far from happy. In fact, he points out that we are currently the most depressed, anxious and medicated generation in history—indicating that the happiness movement has failed us.

However, his message is not one of despair. Instead, Dr Fraser offers a compelling alternative: to focus on fulfilment and evolution through embracing struggle. His research is driven by a desire to help people become more fulfilled and evolved versions of themselves, achieved by recognising the value in struggle and learning to embrace it.

What does this mean for our boys?

Dr Fraser’s insights are particularly relevant when considering the development of our boys. His research indicates that, as parents and educators, we often shield our boys from discomfort and challenge, inadvertently doing more harm than good. Instead of paving the road for our children, he suggests that we should focus on preparing them for the road ahead. Protecting them from struggle deprives them of the essential experiences that contribute to growth, resilience and self-confidence.

Dr Fraser’s findings reveal that humans feel most alive when striving toward a goal. The process of hard work, perseverance and even experiencing failure is beneficial for our boys. To truly prepare them for life, we should allow them to struggle, sit with discomfort and solve problems independently. By embracing their struggles, they grow as individuals, building confidence and self-esteem.

Underlying Dr Fraser’s research is the notion that our fixation on happiness may cause our boys to avoid discomfort, thus limiting their potential for growth. Instead of focusing on happiness, Fraser advocates for a focus on fulfilment. We should encourage our boys to experience negative emotions, fail and rise again, and develop a healthy relationship with struggle. This approach, Fraser suggests, will lead to a life of fulfilment—one struggle at a time.

Mark Wyer
Head of Preparatory School